The Pursuit of Happiness

I'm as empty as a woman can get.
All tied up, fucked up inside
Anger blinding me to the truth
Your scathing superiority, 
Your trigger, my gun

I feel it burning in me all the time...
The rage I can't set free
The lies that compound me
The lies that compel me
To do something
I must avoid

I try to be un-caring
I try to just ignore
I try make you understand
With the silence in my words.

I need to release this anger
Somewhere
Somehow
I need to make you understand
You've killed my every single vow.

Your hipocracy astounds me
Your not anyone I know
I hope you find the happiness
You've killed me to obtain.

Your Favorite Scapegoat

Somewhere lies the child
I never got to be.
Somewhere hides the darkness
Just waiting to be free
Just like a cancer
I've killed it all
All that’s good in me


Where I’ve been
What I’ve done
Who I’ve had to be
Just lies, all lies
All there is to me

Burrow deeper under the skin
I’ll never be clean
It sits there on the surface
It’s all that anyone sees.
No matter how hard I scream
No matter how red I bleed
All that you ever cared to see
Is what you tried to make of me


Always so damn wrong.
Always the one at fault
Always your favorite scapegoat
Always your favorite scapegoat

Never Enough...

Where does it end?
I’m so tired of feeling like I’m not really in here…
Like my skin’s too tight to hold me in and I’m just going to come pouring out at any moment…

You see, in many ways, I’m still there.
Still finding solace in the slender vial of heroin.
Pushing the pain away and plunging myself further into heartache….

Where does it end?
This incessant waiting for the day that I stop craving.
The day I finally come back to myself, like a prisoner finally set free.
Like nothing I do really matters in the long run…

I was supposed to matter.
I was supposed to be the someone everyone talked about.
The someone little girls wished they’d grow up to be just like
And now I’m not even proud of me
Now I just wish I’d disappear…

How to other people overcome this?
I haven’t touched heroin in almost five years
Others call that an achievement, I just call it cowardice
I’m just afraid of what I’ll become if I slip back into oblivion…


Damn it, I wanted to be proud.
Wanted my girls, the only ones who matter,
To look up at me and be proud of something other
Than my ability to abstain from the drug
I wanted to be their heroine..


But all I am is lost.
All I am is me,
Not enough for anyone…

Letter to an Unknown Soldier...

Inconsequential things…


The way you laughed, the way you’d sigh
The way you’d smile.
I’ll remember it all.
The way you’d jump to make right
Any injustice you saw.
Seemed only right
Somehow…


So off you went to fight.

You went into hell
You went into the fire
You fearlessly fought
For another man’s desire
You tried to make right,

What wasn’t right from the start…

So goodbye soldier
Goodbye daddy to be
Goodbye eyes
That only saw good in me.
Goodbye shoulders
So strong
So brave
Goodbye to one more hero
Too young for the grave.


It just isn’t fair


That you’ll never hold your daughter
She’ll know you only by photo’s
By my memories
And the dog tag’s
They sent back home…

Laying somewhere a million miles away

Never to look into the eyes,
so much like your own…
So much like your own.
And this is the injustice
You can’t fight at all…
Now you can’t fight at all…