Oct 5, 2009

I Could

I could be a real bitch here.
I could really unleash
What's been building up 
Inside of me
Since you left.

You're just like the last one
Just like little toy soldiers
You all line up to march
Out of my life

I could compare you two so closely
Cowards, the both of you
So much similarity
So much so that I could laugh

Same complaints
"You're impossible to live with"
"I didn't leave the kids, I left you"
"I don't care what you think I never have"
Sitting there trying to act tough
Like anything you say is going to hurt me

My reply
"You were no ball of sunshine yourself"
"You left, that's all they see regardless of how 
   You'd like to rationalize your selfishness"
"And now I no longer care about your thoughts, 
   Your wants, your dictates.  You no longer have power
      Over me"
But for one moment, if you're thinking
That I'm going to make any of this even
Remotely easy for you

You're sadly mistaken.

You've decided that your freedom 
Is more important than being
A real man.
One who sticks through the tough times
Willing to work to make it worth the effort
Willing to keep a real home for your child
Willing to live up to all the lies 
That dripped from your lips like 
The bullshit it turned out to be.

You had us all fooled.
Not just the three of us, but all those I love.
The people that treated you like more of a 
Son than your own loved ones.  
The people who are hurting right along
With we three

But your freedom was more important
The alcohol must have cleared it all up for you
Hanging with your unattached buddies must have
Made the path ahead of you look so much clearer

I could really be a bitch about this
Couldn't I?

You Asked...


I've been up too long.
Sitting here staring at a screen
Looking for meaning 
In a meaningless world


I'm calmly plotting
My next fuckup
My unbelievable belief
That what I know to be true
Has just undergone 
A dramatic change


How can you even 
Look me in the face?
When everything you
Ever stood for 
Was nothing 
But lip service.


As far as I'm concerned
You lack honor
Your complete lack 
Of imagination
Of staying power


Thank you
For getting out
For running scared
From responsibility
From the truth

Why am I writing all this?
You asked...
Or maybe that was me...

Oct 1, 2009


There’s nothing really in here.

Just an empty woman trying to refill

Trying to regain,

Trying to remain…

Sorta lost my footing here…

Fucked up an floundering…

Unable to find my own way.

Trying not to take the easy

Way just one more time.

You never really saw me
You never cared to look inside
Your innocent insults
Weren't something you could hide.

So where does someone like me go.

When everything else is gone.

Afraid to show what’s really in here…

Afraid to find out that I’m really

Just empty…


I'm trying to forget you.
I'm trying to move on,
Just like you want me to.

I'm trying to regain my life.
I'm trying to start again,
I just don't understand why
You won't leave me the hell alone?

You call here almost daily
You ask me how we are
Like you give a shit about me at all
Like you really care about how I feel

I need you to just stop
Just leave us alone for a while
You wanted out
You got out,
Now you need to stay out
For a while
Till I can deal with you
Without hurting.
Without aching.
Just leave us be.

Momma's Rage

She stands there.
So much anger inside of her that
She knows is going to boil over
She knows

She knows when momma's mad,
She knows when momma's sad,
She knows when momma's anger
Her hate, is going to hurt her bad.

The first slap means nothing,
Just suprise upon her face.
Then the second blow is landed
But by then she already knows

She knows that momma loves her
She knows that she must have done wrong
She knows that when it's said and done,
Momma will hold her all night long.

But somewhere between the first slap
And the child bleeding on the floor.
She just became an object, not a Momma
Not at all.

She stands and watches and wonders why
She can't get up, She doesn't understand
She's already beyond the pain here,
She's free from Momma's rage.

How, what why???

Never had it.
Never said it
Fighting my way 
Through the tears.
To understand
While your lies 
Dripped sweetly 
From your lips.

There's a ball of pain
Lodged inside my chest
It's been there since
You left.

Sep 20, 2009

Some People...

People like you astound me.
Ready to fight over the smallest things.
Creating arguments
Just for fun.
Thriving on the pain you create
With your lies
Blaming others for your own actions.
With nothing better to do with your time
Than to start trouble
For your betters
People that wouldn't,
Hurt others the way you do

One day,
You'll see
What a bitch
Karma can be.

Sep 17, 2009

Your Mistake

Here it is.
Right in front of your face.
Your biggest mistake
Your biggest mistake

She stands there smiling
With wonder in her eyes
Your smug superiourity
Blinds you to your lies

How can you not see it
How can you not care
Missing her biggest moments
Cause you're too selfish to care.

Your mistake is not seeing
Just what you left behind
Your mistake is the underrating
The woman here inside.

There's more in me than the cowardace
You fought so fiercely to obtain
Now I'll show you the doorway
To face your deepest pain.

I'm tired of feeling worthless
I'm tired of being your scapegoat
It's time for me to unleash
The naked truth to rock your boat.

So now's the time to show all
Lay the cards out on the line
time to show you all
That I'm really alive in here


Sep 16, 2009

Here, but Really Gone...

There you sit, so un-caring.
Pretending to be involved when you're
Just so happy to be out.
So happy to be the one who ran
Trying once again to be the one who
Rules the roost, wanting things your way
Even while you're heart left months ago.
You're just not really in it...
You're not really here...
So why do I care if you care?

Too Much...

There's too much life out there.
There's so much pain.
Pain that lingers on everyone.
Pain I can't contain.

I'm so damn tired
Tired of playing nice
Tired of always finding the one
Who learns how to play me
Pulling my strings

I'll never be that girl again.
The girl that bends
Sweetly at the waist
And takes it up the ass

You'll never know
Who's really in here
Never see the empty shell
I really thought you'd free
I really thought you'd be

But I, We were too much for you...